“You don’t have to jump in with the dirtiest thing because it can come across as awkward or unauthentic,” she says. Carlen says to take your time and take it slow. If you’ve never tried this before with your partner, Dr. It’s completely possible to orgasm or get so worked up you could come in seconds without any physical contact at all by taking the time to engage in a little filthy talk before or even instead of sex. The brain is our largest sex organ and we’re doing ourselves a huge disservice if we ignore this fact. Carlen reminds us to encourage our partners to explore the entire vagina - including the labia and vulva, which has the second-most nerve endings after the clitoris and the U-spot, the area on and around the urethra. Carlen says it’s easy to forget that people don’t always orgasm this way.Ĭhances are, you’re well versed on all things clitoris-related and know both light touching and applying more pressure to this sensitive spot can also result in orgasm. But so much attention has been put on oral sex that Dr. Look, we’re not saying to stop your partner when they want to go down on you, because cunnilingus can be one of the most pleasurable experiences on the planet. How many times have we been told the number one way for people with vulvas to achieve orgasm is by getting oral sex? But that’s not necessarily so. The amount of natural lubricant someone with a vulva produces is not indicative of their level of arousal, as everything from stress to dehydration to medications can affect the body’s ability to get wet.” Direct stimulation “Water-based lubes like Sliquid Organics are great for toys while silicone-based lubes like the one by Pjur are better for intercourse, oral sex and fingering. “I highly recommend all people have a high-quality lubricant,” Scalisi said. Kait Scalisi, a sexual and reproductive health educator, writer and consultant, is also a huge fan of toys like the We-Vibe Touch, as well as G-Spot toy Je Joue Uma and arousal oils like ON Arousal Oil, which she says brings blood flow to the vaginal area and makes it easier to become aroused and achieve orgasm. Marin suggests trying a couples’ toy like the We-Vibe or, if you prefer going at it alone, the Eva by DAME products, which is an actual hands-free vibrator that stimulates the clitoris with zero effort - yay for that! Sex toys have come a long way in terms of tech. Carlen suggests restraining your passions and enforcing a no touching rule for as long as possible - which will only make things hotter. And though you may be tempted to let them jump in and finish the job, Dr. Whether you choose to discuss in advance the fact that you’re about to give your partner the thrill of their life or surprise them by letting them come home and “catch” you in the act is up to you. Carlen says.Īnd the number one way she suggests increasing your sexual confidence and taking control over your orgasms is by partaking in a naughty bit of adult show-and-tell and masturbating in front of one another. “You’re supposed to own your orgasm,” Dr. Carlen Costa, a sexologist and relationship expert from Canada, and change your attitude first. Instead of treating your partner like a machine whose job it is to give you an orgasm, heed the advice of Dr. Here are some of our favorites ways to get intimate without penetration to get you in the mood.

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